So very tired

Of not sleeping
Of being alone
Of trying to smile
Of being miserable
Of not having fun
Of life

I just wish I could take a break from this never ending hamster wheel of emotions. 4.30 am This morning I looked at the clock, it looked back goading me and laughing that I was still wide awake. I need sleep to function, no sleep = no fight in me.

It probably explains why I've just got home and cried for 10 minutes, that's good...it was an hour yesterday.

Nothing is relieving me of this pain I carry around still. Everything reminds me of him and how he no longer wants me.

The evenings are the worst, quiet dark nights, bed alone then awake till the early hours. Yes I take the pills but they don't work.

I want him there, in bed next to me, to keep me warm, to soothe me to sleep and to smile when I wake up but it's just a false hope that one day he'll wake in his own bed and realise he wants me back.

I'd take him back of course. I love him and I'd rather have something than nothing, whether that's the right opinion to have I don't know but for now it's the only one I have.