I miss your smile but I miss my own even more.

I hate this, the feeling of complete loneliness, emptiness, no hope or anything to look forward to.

Work, home, eat, sleep, repeat as necessary...no fun or joy to be had in between. I try to smile and carry on but it's so difficult.

Reasons to be cheerful... erm no can't think of one never mind three!

I can think of lots of reasons to stop, curl up and give up but I guess we all go through this. You know from previous blogs that I'm not going to fall in love again and I can honestly promise that I will try not to. I'm in love with him and it hurts to remember we're not together anymore. It's easier to think he's away and I'll see him soon...then reality slaps me in the face to wake me up again and the tears start to flow.

This weekend I've cried more than I have since I was a child and its been a horrible experience and I want it to all go away but it's not going to is it? I know it's part of the healing process and it's doing me good getting it all out.

I looked at myself in the mirror today and I looked awful, puffy faced, unkempt hair and red eyes. It's no wonder I'm single.

I miss his face, his cuddles, the cheeky glances and the electricity we felt when we held hands. It's gone and never to return but I have to remember that is what he wanted and no matter how much I tried I wouldn't get it, or him, back again.

There is so much I miss about our relationship that I couldn't list it all without boring you and I know you get my drift, I'm such a demonstrative person that not having anyone to touch is my worse nightmare come true.

Please hold on to the ones you love because one day you may wake up to find them gone x