Getting to know me

Now is the time to start getting to know me. I've been partnered since I was 16 and now, 20 years later, I'm not sure who I am anymore.

The problem is, where does one start?

I know what I like and what I don't like...that's easy, but how do you truly find yourself? How do I find the parts of me that I don't like and change them? If I don't like the bad parts how can I expect someone else to like them?

I've started by looking after myself, which is a rarity. Usually I look after the ones that I love and I come way down the list but I've decided that I must please myself for a few weeks and others will have to wait.

I've also started to put my New years resolution into force, these were:

* Stop saying yes to everything
* Consider what you really want to achieve
* Tidy up more

So far , so good. I said "No" to something today and I felt really good about it. It was something that would have caused me a huge amount of stress so I decided I didn't want to achieve it. I also tidied up so all in all, not a bad start to the year!

I've started talking to someone too. Yes, a man. He's very sweet and we seem to be getting on well. He understands about the children and also that I have just come out of a relationship and therefore I don't want to start something just yet.

My reasons for chatting to him are:

* He's nice
* It makes me feel good
* I want to go out and do fun things
* I don't want to have to sleep with him.

I figured that if I met up with the ex and went out 'as mates' I'd end up sleeping with him because I really am that pathetic. It'd make me feel like a loose woman and wouldn't achieve anything - it's not like he's coming back to me otherwise he'd be here now - wouldn't he? You know it and I do too. I'd much rather go out with someone with no expectations but that I have a choice to do as I like with.

Anyway, I said I wouldn't fall in love again but do you know what? I'm not going to sit around not being loved or be in love. Life would be awful and I don't want an awful life thank you, not at my age.

I still want to dream about living in an old quirky cottage, to bake in my aga, to garden, to have long walks whilst holding hands with the one you love etc etc.

I know it's early days but it's going well so far, I shall keep you posted.