Bored of feeling so utterly useless at anything, so unwanted and so alone.
I could just pull out my phone and in three seconds send him a message saying something mournful like I miss him or I love him. But what would be the point? He knows these facts and yet it makes no difference.
I could, in three seconds, start an argument and call him horrendous four letter words but I don't want to do that because I love him still.
I could ring him...but that would make me look desperate. But what can I do? I want him to know that I still want him but to not think that I need him, that I'm a pathetic woman! No I want him to think I'm strong independent woman who is living her life wonderfully without a second thought about him.
He's not coming back, there's too much water under the bridge, too many things have been said and too many lies have been told for us to have a future.
I know I'm getting stronger and these feelings are getting less by the day but I'm not there yet. I will be soon and I can be happy again without the constant thoughts of him...
...that's if the boredom doesn't kill me first.
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